Monday, September 26, 2005

The Drive

I did a lot of thinking over the weekend. That's what happens when you've got nothing to do except sit and wait for your fate. I spent a lot of time thinking about how I would recover if all my worldly possesions were suddenly gone. I spent a lot of time thinking about how I wished I'd done more with my life. I spent a lot of time thinking about a girl.

This morning I woke up so thankful that I still had everything, and that I still had a job to go to. I ended up getting there an hour early just because I was happy to be there. Yet, there's something else stirring in me.

The only reason I came back to Houston after college in 2000 was because my best friends were here and I really wanted to keep the band together. Well, the band broke up in 2003. I have no wife here anymore. I have no family here anymore. I have very few friends still here, and I never see them anyway. I came to the realization that there's nothing really keeping me here.

That's when I started questioning my life again, and I started asking, do I want to continue on this path or this something more? I mean, I have the beautiful car I always wanted as a kid. I have my motorcycle. I have my house. But those are just material things. Is it worth giving up all my material things to chase a dream that's bigger than this? Is it worth giving it all up to really pursue my music or my acting? Is it worth giving it all up to find something something so much more than this? Is it worth giving it all up to make it on my own and perhaps in the process to win back someone's heart?

As of right now I think it is. I'm going to sell the house. Sell the classic Mustang. Sell the motorcycle. I'm going to go seek my fortune. Why be lonely and miserable here when I can be lonely and miserable chasing my dreams, right?

The sad part of all this, is I love my current job so much. I love the people there so much. I love the owners so much. They've been like a family to me through some tough times this year. Unfortunately, I'm never going to be somebody writing slogans for Jiffy Lube or proofreading the fine print in an HP rebate.

I almost did this when I graduated highschool, but I took my parents' advice and went to college. Then I almost did this my sophomore year of college, but I took my parents' advice and stayed. Now almost 10 years have gone by, and I'm still wondering if I could make it in Hollywood. I'm also wondering if I can win the hearts of America, if I can finally win the heart of that one girl back.

Of course, I can't do this today. I've got too many loose ends here that I have to tie up. The house has to sell. I have to finish the divorce proceedings. It could be several months before I'm clear. However, I'm publicly resolving here and now to go, so that I don't chicken out again, and end up spending the rest of my life wondering if I could have made it and resenting myself for never trying.
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