Tuesday, January 31, 2006


Do I just have extremely bad kharma. Have I done something so cosmically horrific that I will never recover? After flying out to El Paso and spending several hours in training on Friday, I showed up to my first day of work this morning, and they decided they didn't need me. They were like, "Yeah, we decided not to hire anyone else because we're almost finished with the job." That would have been nice to know a week ago before I flew out here.

Then my dog decided to be a real ass to me today. I walked out of the kitchen and he ate the cornbread off the table. Then I let him outside to go to the bathroom, and he jumped the fence. I drove around the neighborhood for 20 minutes calling him. Then as I was passing the house to make another sweep up the street I see him standing in the yard waiting for me. Thankfully he wasn't hit by a car, but I swear, no fence can contain this dog.

I just booked my flight home on Wednesday -- my birthday. I think I just screwed that up too. I attempted to book the flight, but got no confirmation sent to my e-mail. So I kept trying to log-in the site and check, but it wasn't finding a reservation. So after much internal debate I decided to try it again. This time I made sure to print the confirmation page, but it's still not showing anything when I log in. Now I'm wondering if I double-booked or if I'm not booked at all or what the hell is going on?!!!

I was really psyched for 2006. I thought, there's no way it can be worse than 2005. I'm going to make a fresh start. I'm going to make it a positive year. Yet, no matter how hard I try to stay positive, thinks keep happening that are slowly but surely dragging me down. What am I supposed to be doing? What path am I supposed to take to correct all this kharmic energy? What?!!!

I made a list of every song I know this weekend. I played them all today without stopping. It lasted 2 hours and 40 minutes. That's still not enough to land an acoustic gig somewhere. I need at least 10 more songs.

What am I supposed to be doing with my life?

Sunday, January 29, 2006

An interesting proposition

My set Wednesday went great. I played four originals, and I've already scored two really big fans. (Of course, by really big I'm referring to their size, not their fandom, but hey, I'll take whatever I can get!) Anyway, the house band even offered to record with me if I was interested in putting something together. Unfortunately, I missed Thursday at Fountainhead because I got a call about a job in El Paso Wednesday night and flew out Thursday. I'm going to be here at least through Feb. 8, but it's good to see my parents and my dog again. However, I've been practicing guitar at least two hours a day since I got here, and I can't wait to get back to the circuit.

Also, I got glasses. My parents told me I was too "squinty" and coerced me into going to the eye doctor this weekend. Turns out I have a stigmatism. The new glasses are taking some getting used to. I can read small type across the room and digital clocks don't have fuzzy numbers anymore. Of course, I had no idea everything was so out of focus until now because I'd never seen it in focus before. I probably don't want to pull out pictures of the girls I've dated in the past. It might be too depressing when they're in focus.

Work starts tomorrow. We'll see how it goes.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Not bad for the first time out

I played open mic at Acadia last night. I'd never played there before, and it's a pretty popular spot, so I was fairly nervous as to how my songs were going to be received. I played three originals, "Singing Aculpoco," "Silverscreen Dreams," and "She's Infectious." It's hard to gauge crowd reaction when you're onstage because you can't really see anything but shadows because of the lights in your eyes, and you can't hear anything but yourself. However, I was pleased to hear some applause after the first song. My friend LeAnn was in the audience spying for me. She said that when I started playing, everyone got quiet. That can be a good or a bad thing. It either means everyone is intrigued enough to stop talking and listen OR it means that you're so bad everyone is just amazed that you'd even get up and perform in the first place. She assured me it was because I was good. However, I know the set didn't come off without some screw-ups. I missed a chord change and flubbed one line of lyrics, and the bass player accompanying me missed several changes. Overall though, it wasn't a bad way to get back on the horse. I'm playing again tonight at Fountainhead. We'll see if I can take it up a notch and whether or not the crowd is still interested two nights in a row.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

I like the Love Monkey

I did my duty as an American this evening and watched American Idol. My roommate soooo dated a girl that looked just like that overtanned blonde that Simon was making fun of tonight. It was cracking me up. So anyway, after Idol I flipped over to that new show Love Monkey on CBS. I like the cast. I like the premise. I like the writing. I already like the show. I can also see some major similarities between myself and the main character. I should be an A&R rep. That would be the perfect job for me. I don't know quite where to apply for that. Anyway, I highly endorse the show. I also highly endorse going to bed as that's what I'm doing now.

Monday, January 16, 2006

24 - Wasn't the booger a bit much?!!!

So did anyone watch the second half of the 24 premiere tonight? If you did then I'm sure you had the pleasure to see that kid Derrick's booger blowing in and out of his nose while he was crying because he thought the terrorist's were about to execute him. First off, I thought the booger was a bit much. Then I started wondering, was it a real booger? Was it a fake booger? If it was fake, how did they make it? It was probably some chunked-up dried latex that was either still a little sticky or maybe they used some spirit gum to keep it in the nostril. But maybe it was a real booger. How many takes did they do with the booger? Did they have him redo it and breathe harder to blow it farther in and out of his nostril? Why am I so obsessed with the booger?

Thursday, January 12, 2006

She’s a Hustler

So my brother and I went to Acadia last night for open mic. We were shooting some pool when this lady walked up, put a quarter on the table, and challenged the winner. She was blonde, late 40s, still slim, wore those black-rimmed glasses that are so popular right now – kind of “teacher” hot. Anyway, my brother won that game, so he was like, “OK lady, are you ready?” That’s when she uncovered her case and assembled her cue stick. Oh yeah, she was ready.

They played for a while, and then she walked over and started trying to flirt. That’s when all the mysterious Mrs. Robinson hotness disappeared as I noticed the huge gaps between her teeth on the left side. In her defense, my roommate was like, “maybe she was just missing teeth.” I was like, oh, that obviously makes it better because while I can’t see myself dating a 47-year-old with gap teeth, I can totally see myself dating a 47-year-old with missing teeth. “Mom, Dad, this is my 47-year-old girlfriend who is missing teeth. I love her.”

Yeah, so anyway, that was our exciting night.

Green Pigs

Do you love bacon, but wish it was fluorescent green? Those crazy Taiwanese have given a new literal meaning to the literary masterpiece “Green Eggs and Ham” by genetically engineering the first fluorescent green pig. Supposedly it helps with genetic research or something, but I’m pretty sure they were just smoking dope and said, “You know what would be funny? If those pigs glowed in the dark!”

Check out a pic here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060112/od_uk_nm/oukoe_uk_taiwan_pig

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

I’ve got facial hair

So I grew my goatee back. I don’t think I’ve sported facial hair since somewhere around 2002. I grew it for two reasons. The first is that Kevin Federline has one, and everyone knows his career is about to skyrocket – why not cash in on the look? The second is that I’m promoting a more rugged, dangerous Fred for 2006.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re saying, but your car burst into flames, you got stabbed, you survived a hurricane and you wrecked your motorcycle in 2005, how can 2006 possibly be more dangerous? All I can tell you is hold on tight my friends. This year I’ve set down the Coke, and I’m drinking the Jack straight from the bottle.

Blue Steel’s transmission went out again. It’s under warranty, but I had to rent a car to get to work this week. Enterprise hooked me up with a sweet Dodge Neon. It’s the silver Dodge of Danger. We all packed in it and drove downtown for some Thai food at lunch. Sounds crazy, I know, but nobody was injured.

Did you know that on this day in 1922, insulin was first administered to a human with diabetes? And now, pretty much every other person in America is diabetic.

Tonight’s open mic at Howling Coyote. I’m in the mood to go play, but I heard a rumor circulating last week that the guy who hosts it is in jail. I don’t know if that means they won’t be having it or not. I guess I can always go play at Acadia instead. I just always feel out of place though since all those regulars play heavy metal or punk, and I’m strumming along like Bob Dylan.

By the way, I’m reading the “Bob Dylan Chronicles,” and I came across an interesting quote. Apparently Dylan’s dad used to tell him, “You may not have all the things you want, but you should be thankful you don’t have the things you don’t want.”

Has anyone been keeping up with this whole “Million Little Pieces” Frey thing? Apparently The Smoking Gun cross-checked all the claims he made in his supposed non-fiction book about being a Hellion and assaulting cops and doing jail time, etc. None of it is true. Oprah made his book a bestseller by touting it in her book club, and apparently it’s all fake. He was never an outcast. He’s never done a day of jail time. He was on the high school soccer team, and was just a stupid frat boy in college. Personally, I’d never read the book, and I find it kind of humorous that the guy has made such a fool out of Oprah, but then again, it’s pretty damn lame that this guy goes on and on about how tough he is and all his jail time in interviews when he’s never even seen the inside of a cell. You can read it all here: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0104061jamesfrey1.html

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Uneventful weekend

So do you ever have one of those weekends where no matter how hard you try to plan something new and exciting, it just turns out wholly uneventful? This was one of those weekends for me.

Everyone at my office has a head cold. Obviously we all picked them up at the same time from the same place, we just don't know exactly who was the original culprit that infected us all. However, Thursday was just misery in the writer's bullpen. Friday I felt a little better, but decided to stay home and go to bed early. I slept until about noon Saturday. That in itself was a good 16 hours of uneventfulness starting the weekend. Obviously it's going to be hard to recover from that much uneventfulness in a weekend, so that the events end up outweighing the unevents. However, I felt like I was up to the challenge.

Jace's mom stopped by Saturday afternoon, so we all went and got some Denny's. That was nice, but not exciting. I just played guitar and cleaned house all afternoon. Again, not exciting. Then, Saturday night things were set to explode. I was going to meet some friends to watch some bands. In fact, it might have even been considered a date, but I don't really want to call it a date because it wasn't that formal. It was more like the precursory groundwork for a possible future date, but I was excited nonetheless. Did it happen? No. She fell asleep--didn't answer her phone. Obviously the idea of hanging out with me was not as exciting to her.

So I went to plan B Saturday night and headed to Swig. It's become my Cheers, but I'm not fat enough to be Norm yet. Anyway, I ran into some friends there, so we hung out, got drunk, normal bar stuff. Then Jace and I invited some people back to the house. Big party, right? Wrong. What did we do? We turned on Wedding Crashers and crashed on the couches. Actually Jace didn't even bother staying in the living room. He just went to bed. I woke up on the couch at 6 a.m. wishing I had just gone to bed myself.

Still not a noteworthy event in all of that. But, I had Sunday left to save the weekend. Didn't happen. I backed up files on my hard drive, folded laundry, and watched part of Point Break. Jace and I had lunch at BJ's, which was a total waste because neither of us could eat anything. I ordered a pizza, and could only stomach one slice. Then we got roped into moving furniture for two of the barflies. My brother did come home though. I guess that's an event. He starts work tomorrow. He and I went to Acadia for about an hour this evening and played some pool. It was enjoyable, but not exciting.

Perhaps all the excitement lies within the eventfulness of this upcoming week!

Friday, January 06, 2006

So far, So good

I've totally been sticking to my resolutions. I know, we're only five days into the year, but I've done abs every day. I admit, I had to back off just a little because Wednesday was pretty much just absolute misery from the soreness. However, I hit the elliptical trainer tonight and finished the full ab workout afterwards.

I think I may ad another late resolution. I may swear off women for 2006. I don't know. I thought I'd met someone I actually liked, but I always seem to miss my window of opportunity. It's a repeating pattern: I make a connection with someone, we get busy and never get together, we never speak to each other again. I guess it really wasn't that much of a connection if neither one of us can find a way to make the time for the other one. So, who knows? Maybe 2006 will simply be a celebration of bachelorhood as I focus on myself.

My brother doesn't start work until Monday, so he's kind of just freeloading around my house. Today he went and picked up Wedding Crashers for me. I've been wanting to see that movie for so long. It was all I had imagined and more. That movie is hilarious. I know that Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson had to be improvising so much of that dialogue. I so wish I could do that.

I've got to get to bed. This massive headcold is circulation my office. I would say 70 percent of the employees are suffering from it. Not good. I picked it up too, but I'm fighting it -- I'm fighting it hard. I've consumed like a tankard of orange juice today. Hopefully I can get myself up in the morning and make it through the day on Advil Cold & Sinus. Then Saturday I'll just sleep until I the bedsores won't let me rest any longer.

Positivity is the key to 2006. I'm keeping it positive.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Hello 2006

Well, 2006 is here. Let’s all be thankful for that. I’m shutting the door on 2005. The damn year started with marital woes, gained momentum with a car fire, shocked me with a divorce, destroyed my transmission, attempted to kill me with a motorcycle wreck, and ended with one last bit of fury by succeeding in killing my grandfather. Hey, if nothing else, it was eventful. But if I have this much drama in 2006 it better be because I joined the cast of The OC.

The new year’s resolutions? Well, they’re not too out of the ordinary.

I pledged to myself to get better abs. I’ve always worked out on a pretty regular basis, I just hate doing abs. By the end of February I plan to have some killer abs.

I’m going to focus more on work. I’ve never really applied myself at anything. I always just kind of fly by the seat of my pants and sloughed through school and work. This year, I’m going to focus and apply myself. I definitely want to dominate the ad industry and win some ADDYs this year.

Outside of work, I’m going to finish my “Suburbanights” screenplay by the end of February. It’s a comedy based on the adventures of Jace and myself. I’ve been kicking around that one and then two others, a western and a sci-fi, but I decided I needed to just sit down and focus on one, get it finished, and then move on. I’ve got 30 minutes a night dedicated to just that. Hopefully it will start shaping up nicely within a week or two.

So good luck to all in 2006. I have to say, so far it’s gone pretty well.