Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Jesus was a Rotweiller


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Originally uploaded by ffacker.
How do I even start to describe the weekend? We stepped into that weird world of rednecks, retirees, and rock star wannabes that you can only find in resort/vacation towns.

Just out of pure accident did I make reservations at O’Henry’s Hideaway on the Guadalupe River. I had tried getting us into a state park, but they were all booked up. O’Henry’s was just the first place I found while surfing the web for another site. What I didn’t know is that most people go to O’Henry’s due to the fact that the camp quiet time is set much later than other camps. While most have quiet time starting at 9:00, O’Henry’s sign states that theirs starts at midnight. However, the camp really never got quiet before 2 a.m. Another big draw of O’Henry’s is the fact that they host karaoke on Saturday nights.

This campsite drew a younger crowd, which was cool. We didn’t roll in until after midnight and were greeted by a couple girls from Dallas offering Jell-O shots. We had a few beers with them, strummed the guitars for a few minutes, and then headed to bed.

Saturday morning we went into town for breakfast and beer. We pulled into The Skillet for some breakfast as it apparently had a buffet. That was an instant flashback to the small-town greasy diners where I used to go eat breakfast with my grandfather as a kid. Everyone in there was a local, and the majority of them were definitely taking advantage of the senior citizen discount.

There was this booth full of granny-fros behind us, and they got up to leave at the same time we did. On our way out they stopped us and said, “You sure are nice boys. You’re so well behaved, you just don’t see that much anymore. And you never know who’s watching because Jesus is always watching. And Jesus was a Rotweiller, hahahahaha.”

I’d heard the “Jesus is a Rotweiller” joke before. Has something to do with a parrot and a burglar. However, Ben, Jace, and Travis were standing there with this blank look on their faces and this old lady was just laughing her ass off at her own joke that made no sense. Comedy gold if I’ve ever seen it.

We were torn between floating that upstream part of the Guadalupe River near O’Henry’s or going downstream to the more popular part. We also thought about going over to the Comal, but the convenience of not having to drive anywhere from where we were outweighed everything else. We hopped on the bus and got dropped a couple miles upstream.

The river was low and moving slow. The few rapid places were so shallow that we had to walk them. However, the upside was nice people and NO cops. We met some girls from Conroe that were also staying at our camp and floated with them most of the day.

We got back to the camp that evening and Ben and I made a run to Sonic for some food while Jace and Travis took a nap. Then we ate and played guitars until around 9:00 when they cranked up the karaoke.

Now, the karaoke DJ went by DJ Shawn. This guy was like 40 with the big mullet hair, and the belief that he was truly the best singer that ever lived. He kept rocking us with total 80s metal songs. He was sooooo into it. Of course, me being the rockstar that I am, I had to challenge his superiority, so I started getting WAY into my Rolling Stones covers with the hip shimmies and gyrations, etc. I think he was getting a little upset with my prowess. So towards the end of the night, he closes with some total heavy metal something-or-other, and he’s all marching through the whole place fist pumping and gyrating like crazy. We got some seriously awesome pictures of this. That’s about where my memory of the night ends. However, there was an apparent side affect of my karaoke mojo that I wasn’t expecting. This 65+-year-old lady who worked at the camp was apparently coming onto me. There’s now a great picture circulating where she’s hugging up on my back.

So after that we went down to the river, splashed around a bit. Then I woke up in a wet swimming suit on the floor of my tent.

We had planned to float the Comal on Sunday, but everyone was so hung over, and Travis was so sunburned we decided to call it a day and just head home. All-in-all, a very successful weekend -- definitely the most fun I’ve had in a long time.
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