Tuesday, December 07, 2010

The pants crisis

I got a rude awakening last Friday. The time had come for the annual office Holiday Party, and I'd made arrangements to stay at the hotel to avoid and drinking and driving, my camera batteries were charged, all was good -- until I tried to put on my tuxedo.

In the days of old, I'd throw on the monkey suit at least four or five times a year to grace the movers and shakers of northwest Houston with my presence and editorial coverage of their social and charity events. However, in recent years, the tuxedo has only come out of the closet once a year for holiday parties. I should have paid more attention to how snugly the pants were fitting back in October when I wore it to the Society for Underwater Technology Subsea Gala. I should have continued the workout regime I abandoned in August. I should have eaten less pie at Thanksgiving.

My pants wouldn't button.

This wouldn't have been such an emergency except that I hadn't brought anything except jeans and the tuxedo to the hotel, and there wasn't time before the party to drive back across Houston to grab a suit. I briefly wondered if the front desk kept a stock of safety pins on hand for instances of this nature.

I had a Chuck-style intersect flash and channeled every Special K commercial I'd ever seen. I sucked my underestimated girth in as far as it would go, fell backwards onto the bed kicking my legs up into the air and stretched the waistline to its breaking point.

That gave me just enough slack to hook the metal loop. I prayed it would hold as I tried to find zen regarding how tightly my waist would be squeezed for the entirety of the evening.

I survived and so did my pants.

My vest and shirt collar were also a bit too tight. After ten years of fitting in that suit without a thought, it was time to face the music that I'm getting fat. Upon my return home Saturday I downed the last chicken pot pie and the three ice cream sandwiches in the freezer in a reflective binge, symbolically saying goodbye to the carefree eating habits I've enjoyed for the past decade.

I haven't eaten much since then. I know I can't starve myself forever. The dizziness and lack of focus makes it hard to work. I've got to start a low-calorie balanced meal plan. I know how to do this. I've had the cooking classes as well as the kinesiology classes, and I even own the Bowflex cook book. It just all goes back to being lazy and unmotivated. I'm thinking I may just pre-cook chicken and rice for a week at a time.

So yeah, I'm on a workout kick. My goal is to be able to fit comfortably back into those tuxedo pants by New Years. Failing to do so in unacceptable. I refuse to be one of those people who just keeps buying larger and larger pants every year until they're suddenly having to buy two seats on an airplane and asking for seatbelt extenders when they travel.

The weekend before Thanksgiving my brother and I got a chance to take the boat out for the first time in a couple weeks. I have no actual data to back it up, but it FELT like it was sailing better with the changes made to the rigging.

We anchored near an old platform and did some fishing.

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We didn't catch anything. Later that night we tried again at the marina, but still failed to catch anything noteworthy. There's obviously a trick to ocean fishing that I have yet to discover.

The diesel started puffing white smoke again, so I pulled the heat exchanger for a second time. I discovered a seam between the coolant reservoir and the exhaust ports that I'd missed with the JB Weld first time around. Hopefully I have it sealed up for good now.

As everything swings into full holiday mode, I picked up a few decorations for the house. However, as I'm trying to build my photography portfolio and Nikki is working on her modeling portfolio, we decided to take a few photos before putting the lights up.

Saint Nikki 01

You can see the entire set at: http://www.flickr.com/photos/21557832@N00/sets/72157625539084694/
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